Hi my fellow Bachelor(ette) fans!
The time is finally here… it’s Hannah B’s season to find love (and continued social fame!) I LOVE The Bachelorette and I’m so excited to chat with you all about it and share my own personal thoughts on the season each Tuesday night (because lol we don’t have cable).
Ya’ll, don’t even come for Hannah. I don’t want to hear about how she won’t be a good bachelorette because I am convinced that she is going to be the BEST bachelorette. Listen, she’s awkward. She’s honest. She’s gorgeous. She’s in it for love. She’s REAL and relateable! I’m so over bachelorettes that are trying to come off as this perfect cutout of what the bachelorette is “supposed to be.” Give me more Kaitlyn Bristowes, more JoJos. I’m ready to laugh along with a girl who I could see myself actually hanging with on the weekends. And THAT is Hannah B.
If you weren’t convinced that she is actually the PERFECT bachelorette from her time on Colton’s season or from the previews. Watch the beginning of last night’s episode. Her prayer, her awkward dancing, the way she interacts with others, the way she hypes herself up because she is actually nervous. This woman is America’s Sweetheart. She is everything every woman in America is and she is unapologetic for it.
Bachelorette Episode 1 Recap
Literally all I want to write is how much I can’t stand “The Box King Joe,” but I’ll start at the beginning for you all.
We kick off the season hearing Hannah’s completely relateable reaction to being named the Bachelorette. She cries, she can’t believe it, she tells us she is overwhelmed and that this journey is surreal. AND I’M HERE FOR IT. : “
*Cue a montage of Hannah’s pageantry past and “Roll Tides.”
During so, we are graced with the wonderful quote “Bless the man who spends forever with me because I’m so much to handle.” Bless you for owning this, Hannah B.
After a pep talk from Hannah’s girls, Katie and Demi, it’s time to meet the men vying for Hannah B’s heart.
Garrett - HI CUTE ACCENT. I’m into his look, his puns, and most importantly, his accent. And they
Mike - I adore him and his five C’s. I mean, it felt sales-y, but he was so awkward and cute. And meeting his great-grandmother was the most adorable bachelor entrance I’ve ever seen.
Jed - Ya’ll. I can’t get on board with singer/songwriters after being burned by the Lukes of the world. Sorry, Jed.
Tyler C - “WOW.” I’m happy with that genuine reaction. And those adorable dimples.
Dylan - Killing the white tux, dude! And I hope you’re as authentic as you say Hannah B is, but TBH I was bored.
Connor S - WAY TO JUMP THE FENCE CONNOR. But I hope that’s the last fence jumping reference I ever hear.
Devin - OKAY WITH THAT TIE DEVIN. But the faux virgin? I can’t continue to cringe over virgin jokes. Please stop it ABC. Please.
John Paul Jones - I lost interest with his intro.
Brian - Excitement level: 1000% I adore how nervous he was during the intro.
Scott - I am adoring all the nerves here, guys. But a bit of presentation, please!
Matteo - Listen, I had a friend who dated a Matteo in college and he was a douche… so… I can’t like him.
Daron - He does NOT look like an IT consultant.
Tyler G - Please don’t tell someone you’ve never met that they’ve been in all of your dreams lately. #Stalker
Thomas - OKAY CUTIE.
Matthew - Super cute, super put together. What is a “Car Bid Spotter?”
Joe - NO. STOP SAYING HE IS THE NEXT GROCERY STORE JOE. That is his whole goal and I hate it. The Box King Joe is never going to happen. Like I’m here for my Italian honeys, but no. He seems like a real gimmick and try-hard. It just doesn’t feel genuine and I’m over him.
Joey - I AM HERE FOR THIS ENTRANCE. And his suit. FAVORITE INTEREST.
Connor J - I feel the French entrance, but is it Hannah?
Ryan - WTF is a Roller Boy?
Hunter - I’m feeling this entrance.
Grant - I’m loving the puns, not loving the fact that he has hotdog breath? Like ew? WHY? Who told him that was a good idea.
Jonathan - PIZZA. Yes. Yes always bring pizza.
Kevin - Didn’t really get much of an impression… Poor Kevin.
Luke P - Love the blue, very bold! But his entrance made the MOST awkward. That being said, I feel like it was perfect for Hannah. But also don’t top her with your “king of the jungle” male macho-ism. IDK. I feel weird about this dude. Like he’s trying to be Colton with the gym workouts and shower scenes.
Luke S - Such a little cutie! I can’t even with his adorableness.
Dustin - I really had hoped he would lose the nose ring before filming began…
Cam - YES. YES. YES. I adore Cam for Hannah. They just seem like such a perfect pair! And I loved that we walked into the house with so much confidence!
Matt Donald - Tractor boy. How cute is he in his hat? <3 <3 <3 But he talked more about the “studs” in the house than he did Hannah?
Chasen - I adore that he is a pilot? Like I’m really into it… and him in a uniform. I also love how well he carried himself. Also… #TeamChasen. This man is HANDSOME. ABC - please bring us him on BIP???
Peter - SPEAKING OF UNIFORM HELLO PETER. What a gorgeous smile, what a gorgeous face, what a UNIFORM. He literally got my first impression rose as he walked in.
After we meet the guys we are AGAIN reminded that Hannah is going to be America’s Sweetheart. THAT PRAYER. That prayer is every girl in a tough situation. That prayer is every girl who is nervous. That prayer is every girl who doesn’t feel like she is enough. That prayer absolutely deserves someone to help God giver her that strength and make her feel worthy. And t.hen she gives that amazing, real, speech. If you still don’t love her as a bachelorette, then I don’t know how else to convince you. Because this was the most real first episode that I’ve seen in a long, long time.
Then the games begin… Luke P in all his aggression is the first to steal our girl away from the group for a talk (aka to make America cringe). Following Luke P, my boy Mike swoops in and, for once, a Bachelor actually tries to get to know our Bachelorette instead of just trying to make a statement. Their conversation was a breath of fresh air after years of cheesey first night conversations.
But overall, the conversations are just as bland as the entrances. For once, we don’t have to sit through a million wacky entrances and over the top conversation starters. However, one of the guys (TBH I totally forgot his name) killed it with the Bachelorette Party he threw for Hannah.
Ya’ll I live for bachelorette parties so this killed it for me. It was by far my favorite move that anyone has ever done on this show. It is so incredibly sweet, so perfect for Hannah, so fun, so special, so unique!
But despite Luke P’s aggression, Mike’s smooth talking, Peter’s gorgeous face and what’s-his-name’s bachelorette party, Cam the rapper snags the first case, just like the first-impression rose on AFTR.
Tell Scott Boy, Bye
After a couple more conversations between Hannah and the cuties, we see Demi and Katie roll up in a surveillance van. Ya’ll. I am HERE for Demi and Katie being the absolute BEST friends and surveilling the boys. While conversing about the guys and how hot Peter is, Demi spills that she’s looking for one guy in particular… Scott with a girlfriend. When she spots him you know it is on! Those girls hopped out of that van to tell their girl that Scott is a total douche for having a girlfriend… and as a ride or die BFF, I’M HERE FOR THIS. Hannah proves to America that she can in fact put together a sentence as she rips Scotty Boy a new one. Bye, Scott. See ya NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR. (Except for in the headlines when his girlfriend *hopefully* dumps him.)
Luke P. Please Leave
Okay so people are feeling Luke P as the winner??? IDK ya’ll. I’m really not feeling him. He seems like one of the people that is doing this because they literally can’t keep a girl around too long otherwise. He comes across as someone that I wouldn’t be able to stand for too long. I know that’s mean… but I can’t handle how overly enthusiastic he is.
Also, let’s talk about his intro… He admitted taking advantage of girls in college??? But then he found God in the shower and was convinced to not be such a douche??? I’m confused about his story and I’m wondering if (hoping) he will end up being this year’s villain???
Unfortunately, near the end of the night, we have to bear witness to Luke P receiving the first impression rose. And then watch the most aggressive, long kiss in Bachelor history. Like I’d rather watch Carly and Evan drool over that pepper than have to watch Luke P try to be a sexy kisser…
Stop trying to make The Box King Happen. It’s Not Going to Happen.
So I’m backtracking a bit here… but since he is thankfully one of the guys that Hannah sends home, I’m allowing this order for myself.
Joe, the self-declared “Box King” is NOT to be confused with the sweet Italian angel that we were blessed with on Becca’s season last year. Grocery Store Joe, the only Italian Joe we all need in our life, was a perfect, tall, handsome human with a wonderful accent and who won us over further by his deep commitment to Kendall on BIP. The Box King Joe was ABC’s irritating attempt to recreate our overnight fascination with a self-made Joe.
And now a gif to appreciate the lanky, tan, handsome Joe that we all know and love. ABC, you can’t recreate perfection.
The other men, besides the annoying Box King Joe and girlfriend having Scott, who went home? We said goodbye to one of the Connors (I couldn’t tell you which one), Hunter, Brian B, Matt, Ryan and (sadly) Chasen, depriving us the pilot fight we all crave and deserve.
So each week, I’m going to share my top five favorites from that episode, and my predictions for who will be the Bachelor. After last night’s episode and the season preview that followed, below are my top picks for Hannah so far this season:
CAM - CAM COMING IN HOT with the rhymes and the first (second date) kiss! Cam is just connecting with Hannah so easily and I’m here for it. They both just seem like the goofiest people and like they would have so much fun together!
Peter the Pilot - His looks alone would place him in my top five, but he also seems like a genuine guy, a smooth talker and smart. I’m here for a career man and a man in uniform so Peter quickly topped my list of top guys!
Tyler C the Dancing Queen - There’s something about him that I just really like, and I could see Hannah really liking him, too! He seems sweet, genuine and fun. And those dimples are adorable!
Luke P - UGH. I’m absolutely not feeling even adding him here, but nobody can deny the legacy of the first impression rose over the past few seasons… so here he is. Hannah, for whatever reason, really likes him right off the bat.
Mike My Man - Okay so Mike would have gotten my first impression rose TBH. He is so handsome, obviously smart, sweet and funny. And that gorgeous smile <3 <3 <3 I like how comfortable he seems to make Hannah! However, I really don’t think he’s going to break top 4 in all honesty, but he deserves to be placed in my top 5 today.
Who do I think will win Hannah’s heart and drop to one knee at the end? Right now, my money is on Peter.
Who are you betting on sliding a ring on Hannah’s finger? Let me know in the comments below!